Programmer Proficiency Matrix // Part 1: Hard Skills

>> NODE: ctrlaltcorp.dev

>> AUTHOR: HOTCHIP

>> TIME: [20251107-0900]

Intercepted a transmission from the AssetCorp Global© mainframe. Looks like an internal "Programmer Proficiency Matrix." A corporate Rosetta Stone for translating developer value into HR-speak. They think it's for calibration. I think it's a map of the cages they build for us.

This is the first of three parts. Today, we decode the hard skills, the metal and the wires.

ASSETCORP GLOBAL© PROGRAMMER PROFICIENCY MATRIX
Issued: 20██-11-05 | For Internal Calibration Only
(Unauthorized replication will result in a sternly worded memo and revoked cafeteria access.)

Hard Skills: The Metal and the Wires

Because apparently knowing how to do the job is still part of the job.

Programming Languages

• Level 1: Can read, write, and debug in one or two approved dialects of human despair (JavaScript, Python, etc.) with supervision.
• Level 2: Proficient across multiple syntaxes. Writes maintainable code instead of artisanal chaos.
• Level 3: Speaks fluent machine. Enforces standards, establishes conventions, and judges others silently in code reviews.

SQL / Database Development

• Level 1: Writes basic queries and occasionally remembers WHERE.
• Level 2: Optimizes queries, uses indexes without breaking production, and knows GROUP BY isn’t a social club.
• Level 3: Designs query systems so efficient they almost justify the cost of the license. Teaches others the ancient ways of the WITH clause.

Transaction Safety / Rollback

• Level 1: Uses transactions (usually).
• Level 2: Writes rollback logic before running updates (a true rebel).
• Level 3: Defines standards for safety, preaches data sanctity like a priest of atomic consistency.

Data Modeling / Relational Design

• Level 1: Understands relationships...at least between tables.
• Level 2: Builds normalized models that don’t implode under moderate use.
• Level 3: Architects the ERP data cathedral and ensures referential integrity like it’s a religion.

Reporting / BI Tools

• Level 1: Can open SSRS without crying.
• Level 2: Creates and maintains reports that don’t explode on parameter change.
• Level 3: Defines enterprise BI standards and dashboards that make executives feel “data-driven.”

ETL / Data Integration

• Level 1: Moves CSVs around like a courier.
• Level 2: Builds reliable pipelines and handles exceptions with grace (and sometimes try/catch).
• Level 3: Automates integrations so seamless you forget they exist, until they fail at 3 a.m.

Source Control / Deployment

• Level 1: Uses Git like a glorified Dropbox.
• Level 2: Manages branches and pull requests responsibly.
• Level 3: Masters the pipeline. Deploys with confidence and a healthy amount of paranoia.

Next transmission will cover the "Human OS." Stay tuned.

 >> END OF TRANSMISSION (PART 1) 

- HotChip